Mentoring Mothers

Last year a few of us were talking about how nice it would be to create a setting where we mothers could sit and chat about the principles and keys of TJEd.  We wanted to see how others were applying things and create an edifying support group of sorts to hash out our educaitonal goals and purposes.  So, I started holding what we call Mentoring Mothers in my home once a month.  So far, each time has been so edifying for me and those who participate.  Last year we just took a principle/key (i.e. You, not Them or Classics not Textbooks) and explored them more in depth.  This year we will be exploring the PHASES (core, love of learning, scholar, depth, mission) under the principle of YOU, not THEM.  We mothers need to become secure in who we are first, understanding and accepting who we are and the phases we go through in life.  I thought I would just share some of the things we discussed.

This month we talked about three keys in the CORE phase:
** Virtures - putting the important things first
** Balance of Work & Play
**Classics
We started with the question:
ARE YOU THE BEST EXAMPLE OF HOW YOU WANT THE WORLD TO BE?
(put this up on your mirror!!)

"All I could think of [after she asked me that question] was that I didn't have time to be good example because I was so busy doing so many urgent and important tasks that never stopped coming. I ran around getting a lot of good things done, but I knew I wasn't any model of peace, sustainability, or healthful living. If people lived like me, we'd have a world of exhausted bodies and despairing hearts. But I also knew it was time - - time to be able to say it with integrity in my heart. So, can YOU say it out loud? "I am a great example of how I want the world to be!!" It is possible to say this with integrity, it really is, and it's worth working toward. It's the quickest way I know to deep happiness and peace, but it sure doesn't just happen."  - - Cat Charissage, It's Time (see tjedonline.com)

With this in mind, we talked about goal-setting . . . not necessarily as tasks we wanted to accomplish, but character traits we want to build, more like a personal mission statement.  One friend gave a great idea on how to write a mission statement.  Instead of putting things that you wanted or wished to be, make the statements as though it is already YOU. "I am smart. I am energetic. I am...."


Virtures
We talked about putting virtures ahead of academics (for moms that means being too task oriented that we forget to make time for the character building) and how important it is that we make that time for ourselves to be alone, to evaluate our needs, and have interviews/discussions with our spouse and children.

Work vs. Play. Being women we can be so emotionally driven, right?!  We can get so caught up in the "to do" lists we forget to live in the moment.  Okay, maybe I just speak for myself on that one!  :-)  But seriously, sometimes I just wish I could be calm, cool and collected all of the time or be more playful with my children.  An article on tjedonline talks about Emotional Intelligence. 

"Emotional intelligence involves being aware of one's own feelings and being able to manage them effectively and being able to respond appropriately to other's feelings. This awareness of feelings in oneself and in others hould lead to quality relationships." - - Marilyn Robb

This quote spurred on a great discussion on how we can become "emotionally stable" (Secure, not Stressed!) and how part of going through the Core Phase personally requires letting go and/or accepting how you became who you are  (strengths & weaknesses!). 
Classics
We need to use them to "get back to our roots." Oliver DeMille suggests that we look at where our ancestory came from and read the classics from that location. Spanish: Cervantes, English: Shakespeare, Italian: Virgil, Greek: Homer, etc.... These are the books your ancestors were reading. These were the books that shaped their culture. Getting back to your roots brings that culture into your home for you and your family! I loved this. :-)

These meetings take place the 2nd Wed. of each month.  Next month we will be exploring relationships and gender roles.  I'll try to keep the notes coming after each one.  :-)

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Books mentioned/used:
Joyful Mother of Children - Linda Eyre
Spiritual Lightening - M. Catherine Thomas
The New People Makers - Satir
Books that Build Character
Say Go Be Do - Tiffany Earl

Core Phase: A Time for Personal Spiritual Moments

One question I have been pondering lately with regards to Core Phase is:  Will my children follow correct principles without me hovering over them?  Then something happened this morning that gave me a boost of confidence. 

In stake conference this last weekend our stake president challenged us to create a place where we can have personal spiritual experiences. I've decided to really watch for more of these moments in my life as well as in the lives of my children. I'd like to share a story from this morning that made me think, 'Yay! Something really is sinking in." I have one daughter who has some authority issues. She hates to be told what to do or to have things not her way. Throughout the last year or so we've really been working on this. Several times I've taken her to her room and we've both prayed together that her heart would be softened (idea from Raising a Family to the Lord by Gene R. Cook). Well, yesterday was again "one of those days" where she had decided to make everyone else miserable. I was not as patient this time and put her in her room wanting her never to come out again (please tell me I'm not the only one with these feelings sometimes!). After awhile I went in there and she was very open to changing and talking about it (usually she's not interested in me at alll after one of her outbursts). Well, this morning for devotional we were talking about the President Hinckley's six "be's". When we got to "Be Prayerful" my daughter told me that yesterday morning when she was angry she said a prayer. I thought to myself, "WOW! Prayer works!" because I'd been wondering how she'd changed so quickly yesterday. My next thought was, "Yay! My daughter had a personal spiritual moment." The #1 way I think we can help our children to go through teh Core Phase is by taking that time to teach and to love, even when our schedule tells us otherwise. :-)