Joyful Living

"Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." 

 - - Gordon B. Hinckley - -

I remember having a conversation with a friend several years ago wherein she said that life is all about the have to's and "there's no joy in life anymore."  At the time I remember thinking how sad that was.  Shortly after I realized that others were having those same emotions.  Then baby number five came along and it happened to me!  Life had become, for a short time, a routine, a duty, a responsibility.  There were days I was just "going through the motions."  Then, several things happened, each shedding light back into my life a little at a time.  The final burst of light involved the study of agency.  I realized that we have the power to choose.  Some of you are saying, "Duh!" right now.  But for me focussing on the word power in that statement, gave me the fire that I needed.  Growing up I remember a hanging on my grandma's wall that said, "Choose Your Love and Love Your Choice."  We can choose to be happy, to live joyfully and to stop simply "going through the motions" of life. 

Passion  & Purpose
What gets you going in the morning?  What is it that gets your excitement juices pumping.  Is it waking up early to exercise or have some quiet before the rest of the world awakes?  Is it reading a really great book or learning something new and fabulous?  Is it music?  Is it your children and your time with them?  Or your husband?  Oftentimes when I ask other mothers what they're interests are they'll mumble "I don't know" or answer with the classic, "I don't have time for interests."  We need to make time for our passions and live each day with some kind of purpose.  Marjorie Pay Hinckley gave a granddaughter advice on what classes to take in college.  She said, "Study something . . . so you have interesting things to think about while you do your ironing."

I remember an article by Rachel DeMille on finding your "Key Action,"  what is the one thing that keeps you doing more than muddle through life.  She said this:  "The Key Action, whatever it may be, tends to put everything into balance, or create a positive momentum, or bring peace and a sense of well-being. It's not, strictly speaking, the thing we value highest or most deeply but it is the key to our serenity, productivity and clarity."

Relationships
I can't say enough about relationships, so I'll try my best to make it brief!  Several years ago in college, I was given an assignment to answer the follwoing questions:  What is a home?  Why do we have families?  What I've come to learn through the years of now having my own home and family is that the ultimate purpose for both home and family lies in relationships!  Sometimes, this is the hardest goal to accomplish! 

We all know the two greatest commandments. "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind . . .  And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" (Matt. 22:37, 39).  We are to first strengthen our relationship with God.  This is the one and only way to find perfect joy.  One author wrote, "The more I learned about [Christ], the less I wanted to leave Him"  (Life of Pi, Martel) Do you feel the same?

The second great commandment then tells us to love our neighbors.  In order to do this, we must also love ourselves.  Taking time to be alone with yourself is vital to strengthening relationships around you.  We all know you can't fill others with an empty bucket. 

Who then are our neighbors?  Mitch Albom once wrote, "Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know."  When working on our family relationships we need to ask ourselves what matters most: being on time or speaking kindly to our children?  Getting something done or helping a child learn a new skill?  From the words of Mother Theresa we learn, "It doesn't matter what you do - - it's how much you love those you do for." 

Traditions
I have to confess.  My favorite holiday is not Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas.  And though I do love Easter, I love the purpose, but not necessarily the hoopla that goes along with it!  No, I would much rather celebrate the small and simply holidays throughout the year.  Have you heard of National Park Week or No Socks Day?  What about National Jelly Bean Day or Eliza Doolittle Day?  These are the days that bring sparks of joy into our home.  A couple of years we've had a Pig 'n' Pancake party to celebrate Pancake Week and Pig Day together.  We invite tons of friends over with the assignment of bringing a pancake topping.  Then, while we're getting some pancakes started, I read a book about Pigs and Pancakes (there are so many of them out there!!).  It's a lot of fun and we look forward to it. 

Another of our favorites is National Park Week.  We don't celebrate National Parks because they are not in our area, so we made up our own way of celebrating.  Each child gets to choose a park in our city and for one week we hit a park a day. 

Create your own holidays to celebrate!  Ever year on June 1st, we go out to breakfast at Denny's.  This is the day we got the keys to our very first home, so we call it our home's birthday! Then, we go home and my husband says a prayer that another year in the home will be blessed.  It's simple, but it's something the kids won't let us forget. 

It's through small and simple things that love and faith grow within a family.  I believe that.  There is a purpose for larger expenditures and expeditions, but usually the kids will grow up remembering the small things they did in the family.  My family sang together.  I will forever have fond memories of Mom at the guitar with the five of us kids close by and Dad behind the video camera.  :-)  I am always telling my own children about the late Christmas Eve nights when we'd all cram into one bedroom and sing "99 Bottles of Milk on the Wall."  4 girls and 1 boy!  Poor Richard!  :-)  What will your children remember? 

In "Mitten Strings for God" the author writes, "Mealtime offers us an opportunity to celebrate being a family every day."  Those seemingly insignificant daily occurances are those traditions your children will seek to carry on in their own families.  Daily scripture study, daily prayer, daily meals, daily conversations.  You daily attitude as you carry on with the daily tasks also carries over.

Planning and Priorities
For any of the above principles to take effect, we need to take the time to plan and prioritize.  Management expert, Lestev R. Bittell has said, "Good plans shape good decisions.  That's why good planning helps to make elusive dreams come true."  If you want strong relationships with your children, you need to plan time for it.  If you want to have more fun moments in your home, you need to plan for it.  If you want time to devote to your own passions, you need to plan for it.  On the days when I don't have a plan, I tend to wander aimlessly . . . an hour here, a few minutes there. 

Several years ago, and I know this is nothing new now, I realized I had to prioritize my time into three categories:  Haves (i.e. laundry, dinner cooking, etc.); Needs (i.e. scripture study and alone time for myself); and Wants (i.e. extra reading time!).  I find when I prioritize this way, I have more time for the wants and the Haves are less tedious and the Needs are more purposeful. 

Katrina Kenison has us pose this question to ourselves, "What do I lose when I try to do too much?"  Planning does not mean making sure every hour is filled up with something busy.  Other authors have counseled, "The concept of downtime seems to be a kind of heresy in the current cult of acheivement"  (Einstein Never Used Flashcards, Hirsch-Pasek & Golinkoff).  In the planning of our joyful lives, we need to make time for downtime.  It's in that downtime that we end up buildling stronger relationships, finding and fulfilling our purpose, and having more joy in our homes. 

Conclusion:  Joy vs. Happiness
Experiencing true inward joy is different than fleeting happiness.  It's like the difference between the happiness you feel when you're just newly married, to the joy you feel after ten years of working and being together.  Both are great, one is more lasting than the other.  Inward joy comes from loving God, your family, and others while living life with purpose and direction.  "This is your expedition . . . Think of the treasure at the end" (The Hobit, Tolkein) . . . and make it happen!

Belated Easter Poetry

Happy Easter giggles

Fill the chilly air

On this special Sabbath day.

The children everywhere!

Children gaily laughing

Children smiling bright!

Children skipping on their way.

Faces full of sheer delight.

Joyful, grateful, peaceful

Wholeheartedly we sing.

We relish every moment

On this single day of spring.

There's a reason for this gladness

A reason to rejoice.

For our Savior came to earth,

To give us all free choice.

There's a reason for this gladness

There's a reason to exclaim:

Hallelujah! Happy Day!

Our Savior lives again.

 - - Julia Hathaway - -

Pretty Good

There once was a pretty good student,

Who sat in a pretty good class;

Who was taught by a pretty good teacher,

Who always let pretty good pass --

He wasn’t terrific at reading,

He wasn’t a whiszbang at math;

But for him educaiton was leading

Straight down a pretty good path.

He didn’t find school too exciting,

But he wanted to do pretty well;

And he did have some trouble with writing,

And no one had taught him to spell.

When doing arithmetic problems,

Pretty good was regarded as fine - -

5 plus 5 needn’t always add up to be 10

A pretty good answer was 9.

The pretty good class that he sat in

Was part of a pretty good school;

And the student was not the exception,

On the contrary, he was the rule.

The pretty good student, in fact, was

Part of a pretty good mob;

And the first time he knew that he lacked was

When he looked for a pretty good job.

It ws then, when he sought a position,

He discovered that life could be tough - -

And he soon had a sneaking suspicion,

Pretty good might not be good enough.

The pretty good town in our story

Was part of a pretty good state,

Which had pretty good aspirations,

And prayed for a pretty good fate.

There once was a pretty good nation,

Pretty proud of the greatness it had,

Which learned much too late, if you want to be great,

Pretty good is, in fact, pretty bad.

- -Charles Osgood of CBS News - -

(Quoted in There are no Shortcuts by Rafe Esquith)

Discovering Your Purpose

Everyone has a mission to fulfill. 
Do you believe that?  Is it true?  Anyone can go to the library to the "self-motivation" section and find more books than possible to read on discovering one's mission in life, which must mean it's true.  :-)   Type in "mission in life" on Google and you'll get 264,000,000 hits, which must mean it's true.  If it is true, does that mean I need to go adopt all of the children in Africa, start a world famous organization, or become the next gold medalist in curling?  Well, yes, if any of those really were my personal mission, but I don't believe they are.

I do believe everyone has a mission.  But I don't really like the word "mission" in this context.  I feel more that we all have a purpose and like how Sheri L. Dew calls it our "personal ministry."   I used to stress about these questions, "What is my mission in life?" and "Am I really fulfilling my mission?"   When I was young, newly married with a few small children, I was confident that I was living my dream!  All I ever wanted to be was a mother.  :-)  However, after a few seemingly trivial challenges, I hit a road block.  My doubts, fears and weaknesses became more important than my end goal.  I lost myself for a short time.  It was in those few short years that I discovered some principles of how to truly fulfill my mission in life.  I now believe that each of us have the opportunity to live our "mission" or fulfill our purpose every day of our lives.  We are not all going to invent a new device and strike it rich. We are not all going to be "famous" or even well-known.  We are not all going to start nationwide organizations (or even local!).  It is through the small, seemingly insignificant ways that we will most likely fulfill our missions.

Embrace Where You Are Today
Stephen R. Covey talks about this as your "personal sphere of influence."  Every young mother has questioned if changing poopy diapers, wiping snotty noses and throwing fishsticks in the oven is really all she is meant to do.  For a time, I believe it is!  But we weren't meant to do those mundane tasks the way the Israelites travelled through the wilderness, one head turned back to Egypt and complaining about their hardships.  We are to be "joyful mother of children" (Psa. 113:9).  This does not apply to mothers alone.  We have all made choices that have led us to where we are today.  Embrace your life and live it!

Another part of embracing is discovering who you really are!  Leo Buscaglia, an amazing teacher and author, once wrote, "Isn't it amazing that you have to wait for someone to tell you it's okay to be you!"  I'm telling you right now that it is okay to be you!  You were meant to be who you are!  Strengths, weaknesses, talents, looks, all of it.  Come to know yourself, embrace it and use it.  Your life's mission is never more than who you are!  Don't try to be someone else.  Don't try to be someone you've been told you're supposed to be.  You can only be your very best you!

Take Back Time
How many times have you said or heard, "I don't have time."  I think this is a half truth.  Our children grow up quickly and we look back and say, "Where did the time go?"  Time is a "use it or lose it" commodity; it is too valuable to waste. I believe the Lord gave us just enough time to  accomplish the things we need to in this life.  He created the earth in seven periods (Gen. 1-2) and has given us seven days so we can learn the art of time management.  In order to take advantage of this gift of seven days we must learn the principle of "all things done in wisdom and in order."  We must remember, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" (Eccl. 3:1).

On speaking of time, Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture, said, "Time is all you have.  And you may find one day that you have less than you think you do."  Pausch was a professor of a distinguished university who learned he had a serious illness and would die within several months.  He had experienced firsthand the feelings of losing precious time.  He gave three pointers on how we can better value our time.

1. Time must be explicitly managed, like money.  I remember one vivid grocery shopping trip.  I do one major shopping trip once a month, and so my cart was overflowing.  I get through the check stand and I run the debit card . . . it was denied.  I had to make the embarrassing phone call for my husband to transfer some funds over so I could purchase the food!  Balancing our time the way we balance our checkbooks, once a month even, will help us to value the minutes that we have.

2. You can always change your plan, but only if you have one.  I love this!  Planning ahead on a regular basis helps us to value the time we have.  How will you use the 1 hour between appointments or the 10 minutes before school starts?  I once read of an author who wrote a book by spending ten minutes each day writing while he ate his breakfast each morning. 

3. Are you spending your time on the right things?  How do we know if we're choosing the right things? A friend of mine has a quote in her home, "Don't Water the Weeds."  Good trees produce good fruit.  Likewise, we need to be planting good seeds, nourishing the things we want to grow and weeding out those vines that will steal away our precious time.

A final thought on time from one of my favorite books, "Let us go . . . and do something, rather than waste time that may be so precious.  Thinking has, many a time, made me sad . . . but doing never did in all my life . . . My precept is 'Do something. . . do good if you can; but at any rate, do something'" (North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell). 

Be in the Right Place
The third principle to discovering your mission is to be in the right place. I believe the Lord has placed us where we need to be. He has surrounded you with those you needed to teach and learn from. Again, I can't expect to be President of the United States if I'm not mingling with those who will get me there. We simply need to ask ourselves, "Why do I know who I know?" and seek to learn from and teach them.  The Founding Fathers are a great example of those who were in the right place at the right time.  It was no coincidence, and they pulled one another along to create this great nation!

Madeline L'Engle once wrote, "I believe in a pattern for the universe, a pattern that affirms meaning, and perhaps especially when things seem meaningless.  Everything we do has a part in the weaving of the pattern, even our wrong decisions.  But I believe that the beauty of the pattern will not be irrevocably distorted.  That is a hope we learn to live with . . . "

In order to be in the right place, we must first be fulfilling our duties.  If you are a mother, you must be a mother first.  If you have a church or civic responsibility, you must fulfill those responsibilities.  If you are a homemaker, you must take care of that sacred duty first off.  We can only fulfill our missions if we are fulfilling our responsibilities, the Lord will guide us through these channels.
 
Choose a Mentor
The final principle in discovering your mission is to choose a mentor.  As a child, who did you look up to?  Maybe it was your mother or father, a church leader or a teacher.  As adults we still need those people in our lives who inspire us in our own mission.  If your mission is to work with Special Olympics, you need to find those who work in that organization, and they will be in your path at some point in time.  If your mission is to teach your children to love literature, follow the patterns of those who have done so before you.  Ask questions!  Never be afraid to ask questions!

Of course, our number one mentor must be the Savior, who himself had chosen a mentor.  "Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things" (John 8:28). He has thus asked us to, "come, follow me" (Luke 18:22).

How do you Know if you're Fulfilling your Mission?
Confidence.  I love that word. One of my mentors recently stated, "If you are doing your best, you will have some disappointments, but you will not be disappointed in yourself."  In Hebrews we read, "Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward."  When we are doing what is right, we will feel it is right. Not that fleeting moment of happiness, but the enduring joy. "Your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you" (John 16:22).

In conclusion, our family loves the Kentucky Derby.  It's a major competition in our home!  This year we decided to watch the movie Seabiscuit after the race to commemorate the event.  Speaking of Seabiscuit, his trainer said, "They got him so messed up running in circles, he just forgot what he was really born to do."  Have you forgotten what it is you were born to do?  "Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you" (Matt. 7:7).

Delight in Life

A new favorite quote: 

"When you delight in the life you have created, it becomes a lot less important to get your own life back the very next day."

Full Quote from one of my frequently visited blogs Stand and Deliver regarding Stay-at-home moms vs. working mothers:  "It would be a shame to lose reverence for those gentle, maddening months after a child is born, when you are in a sleep-drained reverie, stitched to a baby's rhythms and sweet suckling; when you watch them unfurl, watch their eyes focus on the world, their lips curl into smiles, their startled limbs jerk and then grow strong. When you delight in the life you have created, it becomes a lot less important to get your own life back the very next day."

Tribute to a Friend

Recently, a dear Young Women leader and friend of mine will be leaving us soon as she painfully fights cancer. This is a poem I wrote in tribute of her. I wish all the best for her wonderful family!

A Tribute to a Friend

It doesn't seem quite right

Sending notes at the end,

When a whole lifetime of joys

Were filled by a friend.

Giving to sorrow is

Not the best way to go,

So let's celebrate the smiles,

The good things we know.
Your lessons were flower'd

With Spiritual gems.

I loved your stories and paintings

From which all good stems.

Your home was a picture

Of serenity and love;

There I knew were angels

Looking down from above.

Your genuine care for

And concern for the one

Was always apparent

Despite what may come.

And to add a little humor

I must add this . . .

It was fun plotting with you

For my first love's kiss!

But deepest, and truest

Of my feelings for you,

Are those that have strengthened

My testimony, too.

Of a Savior who is loving,

Giving and kind.

A Redeemer who has
All of His Children in mind

When he says, "All Who Labour

Come Unto Me."

I know that you will,

And your loved ones will see.

Letting Eagles Spread their Wings

This past we have been watching the hatching of baby eagles.  There is a live camera positioned on the eagles on Hornby Island, just off the coast of British Columbia.  We have literally had the site up on our computer 24/7!  It has been amazing to watch as the mama and papa birds have taken turns watching over the little eggs.  Even cooler to then watch them take care of their new little chick after it hatched.  I have learned so much from watching these birds that I can actually apply in my own life! 

Lesson 1:  Primary Responsibilities
The mama bird is the primary care taker, but the daddy will come in every once in awhile to take over the job while the mama gets herself replenished.  After the baby hatches, the father will provide food for the mom and his new little one while the mother stays to care for the baby chick.  It is important to know, especially for mothers, that they are the primary caretaker and home is the right place to be.  However, it is just as important that the mama bird takes time to replenish herself for more long sitting on the nest.    From the Proclamation on the Family:

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." 

Lesson 2: Taking Flight
Though the new bird isn't even close to flying yet, I read here about how the parents train their little ones to fly. Basically, the parents leave their little one in the nest and allow it to get hungry, thin even.  The baby then watches as the parents fly by in the near distance with food dangling from their talons.  As time goes on, the parents get closer and closer with the food, never allowing the baby to taste, only increase in hunger and desire for the food.  Finally, when the baby is confident enough he swoops and begins to fly, allowing the wind to carry him.  The parents don't leave him alone, still.  They drop the food just within reach of the young eagle, he grabs and eats.  Success! 

The analogy here is obvious, I'm sure.  We all know the oft-quoted proverb, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life.”   Learning how the eagles teach their young has given me more insight on how I want to teach my own "how to fish."

The Dangling Principle in Action
My husband and I have differing ideas on how to go about training our kids in matters of money. Do we pay them an allowance, pay them for extra chores, make them pay for certain things when they reach certain ages, etc., etc.??  Then there's the matter of teaching them to save and to pay tithing at church, and help & serve others monetarily.  I am learning the art of "dangling."  I take my kids to the store, they see the very thing they want within the first ten steps inside, right?  We've all been there!  My question to each of them is, "Do you have any money?"  Dangling!  They don't.  We move on.  They see something else.  "Do you have any  money?"  Dangling! Nope.  We keep going.  I've also stopped myself these past few months from giving into the thought, "It's just a dollar," when they want something.  At younger ages, it's out of sight out of mind, more instant gratification like the baby birds. With older kids I'm starting to recognize how they are "getting hungry" and "growing thinner."  They are seeing and wanting, but not reaching and now their wheels are starting to turn. What can they do to make that money to buy that one coveted item? 

This principle can work in many different areas other than making, saving and spending money. Reading, riding a bike, joining a sports team, writing, math, and nourishment.  We can teach our children to fish so that they might spread their wings and fly by giving them the correct tools to do so!